Let’s see some definitions first (according to wikipedia)

Marriage is a social union or legal contract between individuals that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found.

Cohabitation is when people live together in an emotionally and/or sexually intimate relationship. The term is most frequently applied to couples who are not married.

Registered partnership is one of several terms synonymous with a civil union or civil partnership similar to marriage, typically created in order to provide same-sex couples the legal and social benefits of traditional marriage and thus could be described as quasi marriages.

Please, check on wiki, it’s quite an amusing subject to learn about how many types there is, but I don’t wish to make this post into a legal anything.

Is it better to live together before the wedding?  Should we just live together and not get married at all? Or should we stay in our separate homes and only move together, share bed and table when we marry? This is a decision you have to make, all by yourself, nobody can help you, all we can do is to give you a clean sheet of paper and a pen, write down the cons and pros and make the decision! Remember that (nearly) everything can be changed, it’s only a part of our lives…

I know people who are in some sort of religion and they don’t go out, don’t kiss, don’t try each other’s sweet physicality. They only meet in front of other people, they are given to each other and go onto marriage without even holding hands. But of course, there are people in this same group who “can’t wait” and do nearly everything before the “sharing of bed and table” but in secret. Now, where is the religion here? If you commit yourself to this religion and really want to do it, not just show that you are doing it, then do it, with all your heart and soul, don’t just frown when I curse and kiss, mainly not if you do it too – secretly…

Some people consider marriage a sacred thing, that it’s the best of all commitments, if you get married you really know that you love the other one and you want to stay foreverandever together. Dah! Why on earth is the divorce rate so high then?! A good part of my high school classmates are divorced with/or without children, and they are the ones who were going on and on about how great their marriage was – when it wasn’t, as we can see now. They are the ones who were in relationships constantly since they were like 14 so you expect that people with years and years of experience of a serious relationship, living together a long time will make the right decision when the time comes, because they know. Not! I believe some of these constantly-in-a-relationship people are just hungry for love, they just want someone to love and to love them, and so they can say: “my boy/girlfriend”. How foolish!

Sometimes when we go out with other people we think we know them – and this is not necessarily right. Seeing someone for a couple of hours every day, spending the weekend together (that lovely, sunny, full of entertainment weekend, when you don’t really know yet how smelly the other can fart), it’s just not the same thing. When couples are dating, they only and exclusively want to show their best side. Girls will be always neat, wear perfume and the best clothes and they would never ever pass gas in front of the boys, what more, they don’t even go to the toilet for number 2. Girls just don’t do that. Boys? Yes, they were born with smooth and silky face which is always shaved to perfection and they wouldn’t burp at the table. Because they are gentlemen.

And you know what? This same girl will go and cry to the best friend later in the marriage that “the Joe” is such a pig, he burps and farts, and he wouldn’t shave, wears the same tee all weekend and cuts his fingernails at dinnertime at the table. And this same boy will soon realise – but never share with the mates – that “the Mary” is really a brunette, not a blond, she actually has normal humanly grown eyebrows, not the perfectly arched masterpiece, and she does go for number 2s, she doesn’t look that awesome in the morning and they realise that both of them are stressed at weekdays, that they really don’t even love each other like this and they only wanted the perfect Joe (with silky smooth face) and the perfect Mary (who never does the number 2) and they divorce.

This doesn’t have to be like this. And you don’t have to live together either. I think you can just show your real self after a short while and stop making up yourself in order to impress the other.

Here comes possibly the most valuable thought from me (and my Grandma’):

Marriage is a tough one with all the joy there is, but still a tough one. It’s like pebbles in a river. There are these 2 rocks with rough edges and they meet in the river, show how shiny they are, make the other rock not notice the edges and they chose to be together, hold each other’s hand, never let go, and every time they clash by the current of the river, the rough edges become smoother and smoother, they shape to fit to each other and the 2 rocks become 2 perfectly formed pebbles…

So Dear Reader (if there is any besides the ones that I know :) ), please go and find your rock and get into the current of life holding hands and shape yourselves both until you really really fit together, with or without the paperwork, organisation, spending and law of a wedding. Or just go and get married quickly, quietly, cheaply and cheerfully. Or don’t get married at all. The important thing is that you live happily together and you love one another unconditionally. (with all the beard, burp, gas, stress, nerves and the everyday life which can be a living hell without the respect, love and will to change…)

Lack of self confidence can lead to a number of things:

• no job, losing your job, not getting promotions
• jealousy for other people’s success
• jealousy of your partner
• numerous other things

However, I will only focus on the appearance for now, because most things start blooming from wrong self image.

Try to look your best

Dress nicely. Don’t buy clothes you feel uncomfortable in, but get things which FIT you and if you look in the mirror, even if you only want to admit secretly, you look great!

This can be a pair of nice jeans with leather half boots and a black tee with a lovely neckline and a smart black jacket – as I’m wearing it today and I feel great because I know I look great!

Go to the hairdresser, get a nice and easily maintainable cut, a lovely colour – highlights maybe – and most importantly, do not leave the house without putting your hair okay every morning.

Wear a light make-up every day. Emphasize what your best features are. What I’m wearing today is:

• A light foundation
• Eyebrow pencil
• Eye liner
• Mascara
• Lip gloss

Look confident

It breaks my heart to see people dragging themselves into a room or sneaking in just so they don’t get noticed.

When you enter a place, enter it like “I am great, I look great, I like those people there”.

This means:

• Point 1 – look great
• Have a lovely smile on your face
• Straighten yourself up
• Wear a perfume which smells nice – to everybody, not only you. It shouldn’t be too strong or overbearing
• Don’t hide in the corner, any hard it is, try to own the place and talk to people

Practice practice practice

How can we practice self-confidence?

There are a number of things we can do about it.

1. in the evening when you get home, take a nice shower/bath and sit down naked in front of the mirror, have a notepad and a pen with you or whatever you feel is easier (voice recorder)
2. start looking at your features and start writing down what you find pretty. Don’t look at the overall image yet, just concentrate on the little stuff, like:

• “hmmm my eyes are lovely, they are blue/green/brown and they are such a deep/light/unique colour”
• “gosh… look at those boobs.. they are covered with clothes at daytime, but they could give me a curvy look if I wear a better bra – must buy one tomorrow”
• “my hair is strong and has a great shine”

Go on and on and on about what you like on yourself. Don’t think about anything, but how great your features are.

1. When you are done admiring yourself, put on a nice lotion, some body spray, get into some PJs and relax
2. Just before you fall asleep, think about little things what you are going to do tomorrow. (when you enter your workplace, say hello with a smile to the doorman, don’t ignore your colleagues, chat to them etc.)

Another way to practice the self confidence:

• Ask people on the street about the time – even if  you know it.
• Ask people at the bus stop if they have seen it passing already?
• Ask directions – even if you know them.

Note: no, you are not a lunatic, it’s just self-helping.

These little chats might as well lead to conversations – as it always does in my case…  :)

If you want to get advice about certain situations which have to do with your self confidence, please feel free to leave a comment, we might as well get to a solution!