Or they would go on the street wonder what the time is, are they running late, but they wouldn’t ask a stranger for the time. Or in a restaurant the food turns out to be “less then perfect” and they would rather die than mention it to the waiter…

Well. Is this you Dear Reader? Or are you already red as a beetroot reading about yourself?

If so, please see my bulletpoints which should solve your problem if you practice them consistently:

I guess I should start with the bulletpoint right under this sentence, but I just need to share this sentence with you:

If you don’t feel like doing something, act your way into doing it and you’ll see that you won’t feel why you didn’t want to do it in the first place. A smart man said it on the radio and I am the most ashamed I don’t remember his name..

• why are you shy – sit down and think about it. When are you shy, in what situations? Does it have a bad impact on your life? Where is that bad impact? What if you changed it? Could you live a better life? These questions help you, you can even write it down.
• practice makes perfect – talk to people, talk to anyone, anywhere, MAKE yourself do it. Start with simple things such as asking for the salt when you need it, asking the shop assistant for the sugar (or whatever you need, later you can even start asking for a tampon, condom or lubricant), asking the man on the street for the time, of course talking more with your friends, meeting people through some friends and talking to them and finally you will get to the stage when no matter where you are what you are doing, you will start a conversation with someone (bus stop, hairdresser, on the bus, the person you pass by every day, etc.)
• overcome rejection – what if they don’t want to hear what you have to say? What if they won’t want to talk to yo? What if they don’t like you? Yes. What if? Ask this exact question, and answer it with: who the hell cares? I know I am a good person, I know that what I have to say is interesting and I know that there are people who value it, even if I don’t see it now. And even if what you wanted to do/say etc. doesn’t turn out that great really, and you see it sooner or later, take it as a lesson towards the way of you overcoming shyness
• you are not the center of the world – life is not the stage of the local theatre. You are an important individual, but please, stop thinking that everybody will be looking at you if you say/do/think something. And even if some people do look, THEN WHAT? You are who you are, and lots of people love you for that and learn that not everybody have to.
• do you love yourself? – just answer it. Plain sheet in front of you, 2 columns, what do you love what do you hate? Include body image, mind, everything what you can think of and do not lie to yourself with putting everything into the “i hate” column. If the results are not looking great, start revising them and maybe get someone close to you to help with it. This can be a very uplifting situation, because people who see you from outside have a much better view on how you really are, and you can learn that your voice is apparently very sexy, not too low for a woman as you thought before, your behind is just suited to your body, even though you thought else, your hair is nice as it is, longer/darker/lighter/shorter would just not compliment your face so well, you thought your extreme shyness is embarrassing, but you will be told, that to some degree it’s actually really cute, because you do this this and this …. :) Lots of things!
• anxiety – I have anxiety attacks sometimes, and it’s hard to fight it when you get so carried away with it. Distraction helps. Distract your mind so you don’t think of the actual problem, calm down and try again. Calming your anxiety might take a relatively long time. What helps me is a phonecall, a game on my phone, talk talk talk to someone. Exercise is a good idea as well, it takes your mind elsewhere, trying to concentrate on working hard, or lying down is good for some people. (not for me :) )
• look at yourself and visualise – since I read a certain book I learnt that I have to imagine myself in a certain situation which should help when it happens. Imagine, visualise yourself as the person you want to be. Look at your strengths and capabilities, see how valuable and beautiful you are, see the greatness which is in all of us. Yes, in you too!!!
• other people – stop thinking of other people. Stop scrutinising the “why” think about them. Instead, learn! Learn how they do it, learn how they behave in a certain situation. Be smart and learn from them instead of blaming yourself why are you not like them.

That’s the “truth” for now, and don’t forget, that “Shyness is just egoism out of its depth”. (Penelope Keith)

If you really really have nothing else to do about the situation, then don’t do anything. Just don’t lie.

So let’s see now. How to be a walking lie detector. I’m going to put it into bullet points so you can see through it easily.

• you have to be naturally talented to see the lies
• you can also pay extra attention to details so you learn
• you should do lots and lots of “people watching” and people interacting with each other (one of my favourite pass times and it’s just so much fun)

Now the ones I write now are the obvious ones, which everybody knows who has ever read a book about body language or went on the internet and typed “how to tell when someone is lying”, but maybe some people cut off from all forms of civilisation – who will obviously not read my post – or some very young teens or their parents whom are hungry for the truth will use these below:

• extra control of body language (stiffness), even controlling the face, for instance if someone wants to tell you how happy they are for you and the only thing you see is a smile, and the eyes are ice cold or bored
  to death… well… it’s a lie
• touching the obvious “lie expressing organ”, the throat
• my personal favourite, and the easiest to control – not looking into your eye when lying
• the honesty of the emotion is questionable due to the delayed reactions or the emotion expressed and body language absolutely do not match
• overly detailing the topic lied about
• change of voice pitch
• going on happily if you change the subject
• trying to avoid the subject
• turning away from you (unconsciously)
• too much talking too fast
• too slow talking – they are trying to make up the story at the time they speak
• anxious body language
• and lots more…

Please don’t forget. Even if some of these “signs” appear together it doesn’t necessarely mean that the person is lying into your face. It could mean that the person is just a nervous, shy type or that particular attribute makes them the person they are. And this is when I say: do lots and lots of people watching, observing before you start to make up “liar” or “not liar” statements. You little Pinocchio! :)

Many of us are cursed with paranoid thoughts which are most likely followed by idiotic actions but if you feel that this time it’s different you have to watch out.

Let see a few signs..

Besides the obvious – like a hickey on the neck; or a slightly more sophisticated public appearance with the ex, whilst holding on to the explanation “this is not what you think, we are just friends” or of course the obvious: see them making out.

1. He is too kind suddenly – this is only a problem if he was rude, ignorant and things has just changed recently without any reason. (now don’t get suspicious after each red rose…)

2. He is moody. If he has no work or family problems and he is moody for no reason…

3. Changes his style. Jeans to suit, tee for shirt… You have to please the “lady” after all. New accessories, new shoes, too frequent visit to the barber… If he wasn’t like that before it’s most likely for her or as for the accessories FROM her.

4. You are not having sex as often as you used to.

5. He doesn’t say that he loves you.

6. He doesn’t want to get close to you physically – kiss, hug, that pinch on the butt what he always used to give when passing behind or whatever it was in your case.

7. Starts a new hobby and doesn’t involve you at all.

8. He is too much time (out of the ordinary) at the computer, hiding it from you, or even gets you another computer just so he can have that one full time.

9. Takes off the wedding ring – too tight, inconvenient for sports etc..

10. Doesn’t plan ahead anymore – at least in regards to the 2 of you.

11. He is looking for mistakes in everything at home, doesn’t like your meals, critisises your figure, mad at the children – “because it’s your fault that 2nd grade is so difficult!!”

12. He doesn’t want to know your problems anymore.

13. He “disappears” for the whole afternoon when he goes out to get batteries for the remote and you can’t reach him. When finally arrives home, he gives you the most ridiculous reasons for not contacting you or not getting back so long.

14. He goes for walks, drives, swims, whatever – ALONE.

15. He never ever leaves his mobile phone anywhere, and even if he puts it down, it’s always facing down. Some phones display the text straight away and most display who is it from.

16. He comes home late all the time from work, has too many meetings after business hours. But these occasions last until 1 or 2am in the morning..

17. He brings up the end of your relationship, talks about divorce.

18. Needs a holiday alone. These holidays are usually with the lover.

19. You find receipts of gifts you have never received, perfume, lingerie, clothes, which is not yours, different scent of perfume you use.

20. You can’t see into his finances. He gets a new credit card, splits the account for no particular reason.

The list is endless really. Different things go for different kind of people. Use this list wisely, don’t think the worst all the time, because sometimes that bouquet of flowers is just a bouquet of flowers to say sorry that he didn’t have time for you last week…

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

I do plan nearly all dinners ahead of time. Working women do the shopping in the weekend and then it’s just a matter of minutes to get it ready when we get home. I do say though, that meal planning, cooking, cleaning and all that “junk” should be shared and well distributed within the family so nobody feels as an unpaid slave at home. Of course if you like cooking, cleaning and taking care of everything BESIDES your day job, it’s fine, do it!

• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so  you will be refreshed for the time he arrives. Touch up your make up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking…

Yeah, and all that. We go home together and I am mostly tired and pissed off in the car. Make up should still be in the place but a ribbon would be a stretch at this stage really…

• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

I can totally understand that thinking of lesbian sex (little gay) is surely interesting for most husbands. Mainly after a boring day at work (which should be busy instead of boring, right?!)…. This text is from a 1955 housekeeping textbook, so no, they did not think of gay sex they thought of happiness. You know… pretend to be happy even if you have your period and you would really like to rip his head off if he says it one more time that “the food needs a little more salt, sweetie”.

• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before the husband arrives.

Absolutely agree. This is exactly why people like houses with lots of storage. Like… when you are doing “the last trip”, you can go around with a basket and right before you hear the key turning in the lock, you can just shove all that crap into “the storage”. (DON’T put in “the storage”: food leftovers, sleeping, quiet animals, passports, mobile phones and valuable things. Food and animals smell when decomposed, rest will be looked for and will be blamed on you…)

• Prepare the children. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all the noise. At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washing machine, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

Let me put it right: tell your children to pretend they are not really children but boring adults who know when to be quiet. And pretend you never do housework, so after all he does think that you are at home having fun all the time…

• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems. Don’t complain if he is late for dinner or even if he stays out all night.  Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

Bah! I am not a saint. And yes, I had a shit day, and yes, the children were devils and not little treasures and the washing machine is broken and I had to go back to the butcher twice because “your favourite meal ingredient” was late, and I hate when you are late and you don’t tell me (of course because you can’t, it’s so important), and no, I couldn’t get an appointment to the hairdresser and the dry cleaner had to close because there was a major leek in the building, so no, I couldn’t get your shirts and most of all: I HATE WHEN YOU GO OUT AND LEAVE ALL THIS CRAP FOR ME TO SORT OUT.

Of course sweetie. I’m glad you are home. :)

• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. Don’t ask him questions about his action or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

My sweet Lord! I have nothing more to say. Maybe except that I naturally have a very sexy low voice. It gets a bit sharp though when I am ready to tear my hair out from stress…. :) Ahh… and I DO have the right to question him.

• A good wife always knows her place.

Yes. Mine is at the hairdresser and the beautician. And on holidays. :)

I am off the cigarettes for nearly a month now. Have had loads of cravings, but only had 1/4 of a cigarette last Monday. I thought it was gonna be the “big thing” that I am off them for so long now, and yes, I deserve just 1. Funny thing is, I hated it. And I used to be a big smoker. Enjoying it all the time. I have tried to quit several times without any luck really. I tell you the secret now. I don’t say it’s easy but with the right state of mind and maybe the right technique it’s much better.

Make the decision

You have to make the decision that you want to quit for. I quitted for my son, who asked me: “Mama, don’t go to smoke, because you will die” (he is only 4 and I felt so ashamed smoking)So. You can make a list for yourself why you should quit – better skin, no stink, make yourself proud, don’t be tied to smoking places etc.

Smoke the cigarettes you have or get rid of them permanently

When I decided I had enough, I still had 5 cigarettes in the pack late afternoon and I tell you, as the decision was made, I really wanted to get rid of them so under pressure it wasn’t nice to smoke them, but anyhow, I finished up the pack for 7pm that day, having the last one actually before dinner – silly, I know.

Don’t give up your habits connected to the cigarettes (just yet)

I still go out for cigarette breaks at work… I still sit out on the balcony for the “cigarette break” with no smoke, just for the fresh air and to clear my head if needed… Have your coffee, it’s nice without the ciggie too… Whatever your habits were… :)

Talk about smoking

I talked about it A LOT, mainly in the first week. How did I used to do, what did I feel, when was the best time I smoked, what did I enjoy about it, etc.
I really don’t know about you, but this was something extremely helpful to me – like a session at the psychologist.

Most important – Delay, postpone, later, not now, wait a minute, tomorrow, whatever, until

What am I talking about?… The most important thing here is that YOU DON’T HAVE TO QUIT SMOKING FOR EVER. Yes, that’s the good news. You can smoke any time, the decision is yours. We live in a free world, we do what we want, we smoke when we want (nowadays when we are allowed to) and I like to keep an open mind about this, that yes, I could smoke if I wanted to. Where is the trick here? Let’s see:

• “Hmm… a ciggie would be nice…. but I think i am just gonna wait until 4pm, that’s a better time to smoke”
• “God.. it’s 4pm, I said I would have a smoke, but since the day is nearly over, I rather have one at home after dinner”
• “The dinner was lovely, now let’s have that smoke… but the day is over as well…ehhhh…. I’m gonna leave it until tomorrow”

Basically, whatever you do, always try to delay having a cigarette. Never promise you won’t have another one. I always say to my husband:
“I promise you that I won’t smoke – until tomorrow. But I will do my best to promise that to you every day.”