Shy people. They are cute but annoying sometimes. They go around in the shops for ages to find something, just so they don’t have to ask the shop assistant, because that would probably be the end of the world. (right. sure.)
Or they would go on the street wonder what the time is, are they running late, but they wouldn’t ask a stranger for the time. Or in a restaurant the food turns out to be “less then perfect” and they would rather die than mention it to the waiter…
Well. Is this you Dear Reader? Or are you already red as a beetroot reading about yourself?
If so, please see my bulletpoints which should solve your problem if you practice them consistently:
I guess I should start with the bulletpoint right under this sentence, but I just need to share this sentence with you:
If you don’t feel like doing something, act your way into doing it and you’ll see that you won’t feel why you didn’t want to do it in the first place. A smart man said it on the radio and I am the most ashamed I don’t remember his name..
- why are you shy – sit down and think about it. When are you shy, in what situations? Does it have a bad impact on your life? Where is that bad impact? What if you changed it? Could you live a better life? These questions help you, you can even write it down.
- practice makes perfect – talk to people, talk to anyone, anywhere, MAKE yourself do it. Start with simple things such as asking for the salt when you need it, asking the shop assistant for the sugar (or whatever you need, later you can even start asking for a tampon, condom or lubricant), asking the man on the street for the time, of course talking more with your friends, meeting people through some friends and talking to them and finally you will get to the stage when no matter where you are what you are doing, you will start a conversation with someone (bus stop, hairdresser, on the bus, the person you pass by every day, etc.)
- overcome rejection – what if they don’t want to hear what you have to say? What if they won’t want to talk to yo? What if they don’t like you? Yes. What if? Ask this exact question, and answer it with: who the hell cares? I know I am a good person, I know that what I have to say is interesting and I know that there are people who value it, even if I don’t see it now. And even if what you wanted to do/say etc. doesn’t turn out that great really, and you see it sooner or later, take it as a lesson towards the way of you overcoming shyness
- you are not the center of the world – life is not the stage of the local theatre. You are an important individual, but please, stop thinking that everybody will be looking at you if you say/do/think something. And even if some people do look, THEN WHAT? You are who you are, and lots of people love you for that and learn that not everybody have to.
- do you love yourself? – just answer it. Plain sheet in front of you, 2 columns, what do you love what do you hate? Include body image, mind, everything what you can think of and do not lie to yourself with putting everything into the “i hate” column. If the results are not looking great, start revising them and maybe get someone close to you to help with it. This can be a very uplifting situation, because people who see you from outside have a much better view on how you really are, and you can learn that your voice is apparently very sexy, not too low for a woman as you thought before, your behind is just suited to your body, even though you thought else, your hair is nice as it is, longer/darker/lighter/shorter would just not compliment your face so well, you thought your extreme shyness is embarrassing, but you will be told, that to some degree it’s actually really cute, because you do this this and this ….
Lots of things! - anxiety – I have anxiety attacks sometimes, and it’s hard to fight it when you get so carried away with it. Distraction helps. Distract your mind so you don’t think of the actual problem, calm down and try again. Calming your anxiety might take a relatively long time. What helps me is a phonecall, a game on my phone, talk talk talk to someone. Exercise is a good idea as well, it takes your mind elsewhere, trying to concentrate on working hard, or lying down is good for some people. (not for me )
- look at yourself and visualise – since I read a certain book I learnt that I have to imagine myself in a certain situation which should help when it happens. Imagine, visualise yourself as the person you want to be. Look at your strengths and capabilities, see how valuable and beautiful you are, see the greatness which is in all of us. Yes, in you too!!!
- other people – stop thinking of other people. Stop scrutinising the “why” think about them. Instead, learn! Learn how they do it, learn how they behave in a certain situation. Be smart and learn from them instead of blaming yourself why are you not like them.
That’s the “truth” for now, and don’t forget, that “Shyness is just egoism out of its depth”. (Penelope Keith)