Let’s see some definitions first (according to wikipedia)

Marriage is a social union or legal contract between individuals that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found.

Cohabitation is when people live together in an emotionally and/or sexually intimate relationship. The term is most frequently applied to couples who are not married.

Registered partnership is one of several terms synonymous with a civil union or civil partnership similar to marriage, typically created in order to provide same-sex couples the legal and social benefits of traditional marriage and thus could be described as quasi marriages.

(please, check on wiki, it’s quite an amusing subject to learn about how many types there is, but I don’t wish to make this post into a legal anything)

Is it better to live together before the wedding?  Should we just live together and not get married at all? Or should we stay in our separate homes and only move together, share bed and table when we marry? This is a decision you have to make, all by yourself, nobody can help you, all we can do is to give you a clean sheet of paper and a pen, write down the cons and pros and make the decision! Remember that (nearly) everything can be changed, it’s only a part of our lives..

I know people who are in some sort of religion and they don’t go out, don’t kiss, don’t try each other’s sweet physicality. They only meet in front of other people, they are given to each other and go onto marriage without even holding hands. But of course, there are people in this same group who “can’t wait” and do nearly everything before the “sharing of bed and table” but in secret. Now, where is the religion here? If you commit yourself to this religion and really want to do it, not just show that you are doing it, then do it, with all your heart and soul, don’t just frown when I curse and kiss, mainly not if you do it too – secretly…

Some people consider marriage a sacred thing, that it’s the best of all commitments, if you get married you really know that you love the other one and you want to stay foreverandever together. Dah! Why on earth is the divorce rate so high then?! A good part of my high school classmates are divorced with/or without children, and they are the ones who were going on and on about how great their marriage was – when it wasn’t, as we can see now. They are the ones who were in relationships constantly since they were like 14 so you expect that people with years and years of experience of a serious relationship, living together a long time will make the right decision when the time comes, because they know. Not! I believe some of these constantly-in-a-relationship people are just hungry for love, they just want someone to love and to love them, and so they can say: “my boy/girlfriend”. How foolish!

Sometimes when we go out with other people we think we know them – and this is not necessarily right. Seeing someone for a couple of hours every day, spending the weekend together (that lovely, sunny, full of entertainment weekend, when you don’t really know yet how smelly the other can fart), it’s just not the same thing. When couples are dating, they only and exclusively want to show their best side. Girls will be always neat, wear perfume and the best clothes and they would never ever pass gas in front of the boys, what more, they don’t even go to the toilet for number 2. Girls just don’t do that. Boys? Yes, they were born with smooth and silky face which is always shaved to perfection and they wouldn’t burp at the table. Because they are gentlemen.

And you know what? This same girl will go and cry to the best friend later in the marriage that “the Joe” is such a pig, he burps and farts, and he wouldn’t shave, wears the same tee all weekend and cuts his fingernails at dinnertime at the table. And this same boy will soon realise – but never share with the mates – that “the Mary” is really a brunette, not a blond, she actually has normal humanly grown eyebrows, not the perfectly arched masterpiece, and she does go for number 2s, she doesn’t look that awesome in the morning and they realise that both of them are stressed at weekdays, that they really don’t even love each other like this and they only wanted the perfect Joe (with silky smooth face) and the perfect Mary (who never does the number 2) and they divorce.

This doesn’t have to be like this. And you don’t have to live together either. I think you can just show your real self after a short while and stop making up yourself in order to impress the other.

Here comes possibly the most valuable thought from me (and my Grandma’):

Marriage is a tough one with all the joy there is, but still a tough one. It’s like pebbles in a river. There are these 2 rocks with rough edges and they meet in the river, show how shiny they are, make the other rock not notice the edges and they chose to be together, hold each other’s hand, never let go, and every time they clash by the current of the river, the rough edges become smoother and smoother, they shape to fit to each other and the 2 rocks become 2 perfectly formed pebbles…

So Dear Reader (if there is any besides the ones that I know :) ), please go and find your rock and get into the current of life holding hands and shape yourselves both until you really really fit together, with or without the paperwork, organisation, spending and law of a wedding. Or just go and get married quickly, quietly, cheaply and cheerfully. Or don’t get married at all. The important thing is that you live happily together and you love one another unconditionally. (with all the beard, burp, gas, stress, nerves and the everyday life which can be a living hell without the respect, love and will to change…)

Or they would go on the street wonder what the time is, are they running late, but they wouldn’t ask a stranger for the time. Or in a restaurant the food turns out to be “less then perfect” and they would rather die than mention it to the waiter…

Well. Is this you Dear Reader? Or are you already red as a beetroot reading about yourself?

If so, please see my bulletpoints which should solve your problem if you practice them consistently:

I guess I should start with the bulletpoint right under this sentence, but I just need to share this sentence with you:

If you don’t feel like doing something, act your way into doing it and you’ll see that you won’t feel why you didn’t want to do it in the first place. A smart man said it on the radio and I am the most ashamed I don’t remember his name..

• why are you shy – sit down and think about it. When are you shy, in what situations? Does it have a bad impact on your life? Where is that bad impact? What if you changed it? Could you live a better life? These questions help you, you can even write it down.
• practice makes perfect – talk to people, talk to anyone, anywhere, MAKE yourself do it. Start with simple things such as asking for the salt when you need it, asking the shop assistant for the sugar (or whatever you need, later you can even start asking for a tampon, condom or lubricant), asking the man on the street for the time, of course talking more with your friends, meeting people through some friends and talking to them and finally you will get to the stage when no matter where you are what you are doing, you will start a conversation with someone (bus stop, hairdresser, on the bus, the person you pass by every day, etc.)
• overcome rejection – what if they don’t want to hear what you have to say? What if they won’t want to talk to yo? What if they don’t like you? Yes. What if? Ask this exact question, and answer it with: who the hell cares? I know I am a good person, I know that what I have to say is interesting and I know that there are people who value it, even if I don’t see it now. And even if what you wanted to do/say etc. doesn’t turn out that great really, and you see it sooner or later, take it as a lesson towards the way of you overcoming shyness
• you are not the center of the world – life is not the stage of the local theatre. You are an important individual, but please, stop thinking that everybody will be looking at you if you say/do/think something. And even if some people do look, THEN WHAT? You are who you are, and lots of people love you for that and learn that not everybody have to.
• do you love yourself? – just answer it. Plain sheet in front of you, 2 columns, what do you love what do you hate? Include body image, mind, everything what you can think of and do not lie to yourself with putting everything into the “i hate” column. If the results are not looking great, start revising them and maybe get someone close to you to help with it. This can be a very uplifting situation, because people who see you from outside have a much better view on how you really are, and you can learn that your voice is apparently very sexy, not too low for a woman as you thought before, your behind is just suited to your body, even though you thought else, your hair is nice as it is, longer/darker/lighter/shorter would just not compliment your face so well, you thought your extreme shyness is embarrassing, but you will be told, that to some degree it’s actually really cute, because you do this this and this …. :) Lots of things!
• anxiety – I have anxiety attacks sometimes, and it’s hard to fight it when you get so carried away with it. Distraction helps. Distract your mind so you don’t think of the actual problem, calm down and try again. Calming your anxiety might take a relatively long time. What helps me is a phonecall, a game on my phone, talk talk talk to someone. Exercise is a good idea as well, it takes your mind elsewhere, trying to concentrate on working hard, or lying down is good for some people. (not for me :) )
• look at yourself and visualise – since I read a certain book I learnt that I have to imagine myself in a certain situation which should help when it happens. Imagine, visualise yourself as the person you want to be. Look at your strengths and capabilities, see how valuable and beautiful you are, see the greatness which is in all of us. Yes, in you too!!!
• other people – stop thinking of other people. Stop scrutinising the “why” think about them. Instead, learn! Learn how they do it, learn how they behave in a certain situation. Be smart and learn from them instead of blaming yourself why are you not like them.

That’s the “truth” for now, and don’t forget, that “Shyness is just egoism out of its depth”. (Penelope Keith)

If you really really have nothing else to do about the situation, then don’t do anything. Just don’t lie.

So let’s see now. How to be a walking lie detector. I’m going to put it into bullet points so you can see through it easily.

• you have to be naturally talented to see the lies
• you can also pay extra attention to details so you learn
• you should do lots and lots of “people watching” and people interacting with each other (one of my favourite pass times and it’s just so much fun)

Now the ones I write now are the obvious ones, which everybody knows who has ever read a book about body language or went on the internet and typed “how to tell when someone is lying”, but maybe some people cut off from all forms of civilisation – who will obviously not read my post – or some very young teens or their parents whom are hungry for the truth will use these below:

• extra control of body language (stiffness), even controlling the face, for instance if someone wants to tell you how happy they are for you and the only thing you see is a smile, and the eyes are ice cold or bored
  to death… well… it’s a lie
• touching the obvious “lie expressing organ”, the throat
• my personal favourite, and the easiest to control – not looking into your eye when lying
• the honesty of the emotion is questionable due to the delayed reactions or the emotion expressed and body language absolutely do not match
• overly detailing the topic lied about
• change of voice pitch
• going on happily if you change the subject
• trying to avoid the subject
• turning away from you (unconsciously)
• too much talking too fast
• too slow talking – they are trying to make up the story at the time they speak
• anxious body language
• and lots more…

Please don’t forget. Even if some of these “signs” appear together it doesn’t necessarely mean that the person is lying into your face. It could mean that the person is just a nervous, shy type or that particular attribute makes them the person they are. And this is when I say: do lots and lots of people watching, observing before you start to make up “liar” or “not liar” statements. You little Pinocchio! :)