Let’s see some definitions first (according to wikipedia)

Marriage is a social union or legal contract between individuals that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found.

Cohabitation is when people live together in an emotionally and/or sexually intimate relationship. The term is most frequently applied to couples who are not married.

Registered partnership is one of several terms synonymous with a civil union or civil partnership similar to marriage, typically created in order to provide same-sex couples the legal and social benefits of traditional marriage and thus could be described as quasi marriages.

(please, check on wiki, it’s quite an amusing subject to learn about how many types there is, but I don’t wish to make this post into a legal anything)

Is it better to live together before the wedding?  Should we just live together and not get married at all? Or should we stay in our separate homes and only move together, share bed and table when we marry? This is a decision you have to make, all by yourself, nobody can help you, all we can do is to give you a clean sheet of paper and a pen, write down the cons and pros and make the decision! Remember that (nearly) everything can be changed, it’s only a part of our lives..

I know people who are in some sort of religion and they don’t go out, don’t kiss, don’t try each other’s sweet physicality. They only meet in front of other people, they are given to each other and go onto marriage without even holding hands. But of course, there are people in this same group who “can’t wait” and do nearly everything before the “sharing of bed and table” but in secret. Now, where is the religion here? If you commit yourself to this religion and really want to do it, not just show that you are doing it, then do it, with all your heart and soul, don’t just frown when I curse and kiss, mainly not if you do it too – secretly…

Some people consider marriage a sacred thing, that it’s the best of all commitments, if you get married you really know that you love the other one and you want to stay foreverandever together. Dah! Why on earth is the divorce rate so high then?! A good part of my high school classmates are divorced with/or without children, and they are the ones who were going on and on about how great their marriage was – when it wasn’t, as we can see now. They are the ones who were in relationships constantly since they were like 14 so you expect that people with years and years of experience of a serious relationship, living together a long time will make the right decision when the time comes, because they know. Not! I believe some of these constantly-in-a-relationship people are just hungry for love, they just want someone to love and to love them, and so they can say: “my boy/girlfriend”. How foolish!

Sometimes when we go out with other people we think we know them – and this is not necessarily right. Seeing someone for a couple of hours every day, spending the weekend together (that lovely, sunny, full of entertainment weekend, when you don’t really know yet how smelly the other can fart), it’s just not the same thing. When couples are dating, they only and exclusively want to show their best side. Girls will be always neat, wear perfume and the best clothes and they would never ever pass gas in front of the boys, what more, they don’t even go to the toilet for number 2. Girls just don’t do that. Boys? Yes, they were born with smooth and silky face which is always shaved to perfection and they wouldn’t burp at the table. Because they are gentlemen.

And you know what? This same girl will go and cry to the best friend later in the marriage that “the Joe” is such a pig, he burps and farts, and he wouldn’t shave, wears the same tee all weekend and cuts his fingernails at dinnertime at the table. And this same boy will soon realise – but never share with the mates – that “the Mary” is really a brunette, not a blond, she actually has normal humanly grown eyebrows, not the perfectly arched masterpiece, and she does go for number 2s, she doesn’t look that awesome in the morning and they realise that both of them are stressed at weekdays, that they really don’t even love each other like this and they only wanted the perfect Joe (with silky smooth face) and the perfect Mary (who never does the number 2) and they divorce.

This doesn’t have to be like this. And you don’t have to live together either. I think you can just show your real self after a short while and stop making up yourself in order to impress the other.

Here comes possibly the most valuable thought from me (and my Grandma’):

Marriage is a tough one with all the joy there is, but still a tough one. It’s like pebbles in a river. There are these 2 rocks with rough edges and they meet in the river, show how shiny they are, make the other rock not notice the edges and they chose to be together, hold each other’s hand, never let go, and every time they clash by the current of the river, the rough edges become smoother and smoother, they shape to fit to each other and the 2 rocks become 2 perfectly formed pebbles…

So Dear Reader (if there is any besides the ones that I know :) ), please go and find your rock and get into the current of life holding hands and shape yourselves both until you really really fit together, with or without the paperwork, organisation, spending and law of a wedding. Or just go and get married quickly, quietly, cheaply and cheerfully. Or don’t get married at all. The important thing is that you live happily together and you love one another unconditionally. (with all the beard, burp, gas, stress, nerves and the everyday life which can be a living hell without the respect, love and will to change…)

“Today is another long day, my baby burped on my new top, I didn’t have time to wash my hair and hubby will have to grab a pizza coz I had no time to cook with the baby.” – yeah whatever clean it up woman. Yourself and the burp too.

“Ahh my little blablabla passed gas and it was sooo funny. Come and see the video! It’s with sound!” – yippeee, THE thing I wanted to hear now. A fart of your baby.

“My little blablabla just turned to his belly, all by himself, come on world, let’s celebrate!” – and all the other millions of mothers whose baby turned around that day and they didn’t feel necessary to blog about it?

I mean why on earth would anyone want to read about someone else’s child, unless it’s their relative?

What’s even more disturbing is, that I try to read about cool stuff for grown ups, like real psycho(logical) things and hang around on the forum getting ideas, checking out fancy nicey blingy things and I seem to get to the babyblogs. No matter what I do. They are so all over the place.

I will try something soon. I will start reading about sex, proper, adult, before-baby sex, which wasn’t intended to create a baby just yet, and I will see when I get to a babyblog – won’t take long, I promise. :)

I have a son and I’m expecting a baby at the moment and I love them and my family to bits. But I promise you that I will not go on and on about my new baby’s burping or nappy rash. I will only talk about him/her if she/he is having some fantastic adventures which you will all have to know about.

Ban the baby bloggers!!!!!! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!!!!!

Lemon juice
Scent: lovely, citrus, fresh, clean
Where to find it: lemon tree, supermarket
Active agent: citric acid
Usage:
Has a natural whitening effect, cleans well metals and helps get rid of the lime scale.
Cleans the dirty microwaves

Vinegar
Scent: sorry, it is vinegar. But if used in the required solution, you will not smell anything in a little while.
Where to find it: supermarket
Active agent: acid
Usage:
Deluded with water it is a middle strength acid. It is a disinfectant, can be used to clean windows, glasses, mirrors or to get rid of lime scale.

Baking soda/Bicarbonate of sodium
Scent: none
Where to find it: supermarket, pharmacy
Active agent: natrium-hydrogen-carbonate
Usage:
Great to get rid of nasty smells, soaks up liquids, doesn’t scratch. Keep a little pot of it in the fridge and nothing will smell!

And now, how to get rid of nasty stains?

Coffee stain – delude salt in warm water, soak stained material, scrub it. When stain is gone, wash and rinse the textile thoroughly
Ink – lemon juice, but immediately
Oil, grease – potato starch is the best for that, put a little bit of the powder on the stain, let it stay there for an hour (or 2), brush it and wash it
Chocolate – lemon juice
Red wine – salty water, lemon juice or milk is our help here, soak it for a few hours, scrub it and hope that it goes away

..or try wearing a bib :)

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

I do plan nearly all dinners ahead of time. Working women do the shopping in the weekend and then it’s just a matter of minutes to get it ready when we get home. I do say though, that meal planning, cooking, cleaning and all that “junk” should be shared and well distributed within the family so nobody feels as an unpaid slave at home. Of course if you like cooking, cleaning and taking care of everything BESIDES your day job, it’s fine, do it!

• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so  you will be refreshed for the time he arrives. Touch up your make up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking…

Yeah, and all that. We go home together and I am mostly tired and pissed off in the car. Make up should still be in the place but a ribbon would be a stretch at this stage really…

• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

I can totally understand that thinking of lesbian sex (little gay) is surely interesting for most husbands. Mainly after a boring day at work (which should be busy instead of boring, right?!)…. This text is from a 1955 housekeeping textbook, so no, they did not think of gay sex they thought of happiness. You know… pretend to be happy even if you have your period and you would really like to rip his head off if he says it one more time that “the food needs a little more salt, sweetie”.

• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before the husband arrives.

Absolutely agree. This is exactly why people like houses with lots of storage. Like… when you are doing “the last trip”, you can go around with a basket and right before you hear the key turning in the lock, you can just shove all that crap into “the storage”. (DON’T put in “the storage”: food leftovers, sleeping, quiet animals, passports, mobile phones and valuable things. Food and animals smell when decomposed, rest will be looked for and will be blamed on you…)

• Prepare the children. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all the noise. At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washing machine, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

Let me put it right: tell your children to pretend they are not really children but boring adults who know when to be quiet. And pretend you never do housework, so after all he does think that you are at home having fun all the time…

• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems. Don’t complain if he is late for dinner or even if he stays out all night.  Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

Bah! I am not a saint. And yes, I had a shit day, and yes, the children were devils and not little treasures and the washing machine is broken and I had to go back to the butcher twice because “your favourite meal ingredient” was late, and I hate when you are late and you don’t tell me (of course because you can’t, it’s so important), and no, I couldn’t get an appointment to the hairdresser and the dry cleaner had to close because there was a major leek in the building, so no, I couldn’t get your shirts and most of all: I HATE WHEN YOU GO OUT AND LEAVE ALL THIS CRAP FOR ME TO SORT OUT.

Of course sweetie. I’m glad you are home. :)

• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. Don’t ask him questions about his action or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

My sweet Lord! I have nothing more to say. Maybe except that I naturally have a very sexy low voice. It gets a bit sharp though when I am ready to tear my hair out from stress…. :) Ahh… and I DO have the right to question him.

• A good wife always knows her place.

Yes. Mine is at the hairdresser and the beautician. And on holidays. :)

But where is it good really?

The topic came up over the weekend when we decided to go and see some gorgeous houses where I wouldn’t have to smell the farts of my neighbour and my children would have space – more then 20 square meters – to run around in the garden, God help me, I could even get a trampoline what I have always wanted, khm… what I have always wanted for my son… :)

So, back to the question about how to chose the ideal home.

(this is from the famous series “Little House on the Prairie” and it’s only for decorative purposes, i do not advise anyone to have to be squeezed into a tiny house)

- decide on the size and the attributes of the house

Unless you have heaps of money to spend on moving and buying houses every 10 years, chose the size and chose it carefully. How many bedrooms do you want, open living area, how many bathrooms, garden size, town house, detached, semi-detached, bungalow etc..

- decide on the locality, how long do you mind travelling

Is 1 hour or more a lot for you to travel to work every day? Would you want less? What kind of neighbours do you want to have? Do you want to be able to go to the shopping centre every day? Do you need urbanised localities to make you happy? (e.g. shops, pubs, bars, shops, shops and shops)

Let’s see in my case: I want to have a detached house out in the country with 4-5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, I want to have a conservatory and a room only for my piano, I want the house to be in the middle of a field, and I don’t want to be able to hear the neighbour arguing with the wife over the dinner. I want to have wooden flooring all over the house and tiles in the kitchen. Heating should be oil or gas, cooking should work on gas too. I want to be able to commute by train wherever I need to and the train station should only be a short stroll or drive away.

Summarizing it…

Are you the urban girl who needs everything at her doorstep or are at that stage that you don’t feel you have to rush things, you would like to settle and have peace and quiet?

Anyhow it is, write a list of what you want and whenever you go house-hunting, tick the list, and don’t compromise on what you have decided, unless you are absolutely sure you can live with that.

Good luck!